"Do you ever try to remember something and you can not?" My husband Jim asked me this question today. I knew it was more than just a normal memory loss moment. Over the last year Jim has asked me this question more than once.
Jim told me this a few times, " I know there is something wrong with me." I saw the fear in his eyes and watched the expression on his face as he thought about this. Jim knew something was wrong but did not know what it was.
I have began to know the questions Jim would ask as he could not remember many times something that would be important to talk about but could not remember at all where he wanted to go with the conversation.
Its more than "just a memory loss." Its' called Dementia or Alzheimer`s — a thief that robs one of the memories or thoughts they are trying so hard to express. Jim was a very bright man who worked a job where much responsibility was needed. Jim loved his job and did it very well.
I started watching Jim`s memory being tested a few years ago as he would lose directions when traveling. Jim always had perfect sense of direction. He would also misplace things more and more often. All clues as to what we face today but at that time not knowing it was dementia progressing.
When you or someone you know is having memory problems DO NOT IGNORE this as "Oh, it's just a senior moment OR just a memory loss moment."
Today, as I watched Jim sleeping in his chair at the Oklahoma VA Alzheimer`s section, I cried. I thanked God that I was in the same room with my Jim. How I miss Jim and he misses me so much.
I thought about the times we were together at home and the precious times we had together over the past almost 34 years. I thought about Jim never coming home again and us never living as husband and wife again. Many thought crossed my mind today. This has happened many times since Jim was admitted to the Alzheimer`s section at the VA. I would lie across the foot of Jim`s bed knowing he would sleep in his chair if he could see me there with him..
Caregivers are worn-out people. Both us and our loved ones are sleep deprived as the dementia will not allow them to sleep much and that put us, the caregiver, where we have to watch our loved ones ALL the time — 24/7.
I
write this hoping I will reach someone to let them know you are not
alone. There are people to talk to like me. Talking is very important but to find someone who really understands is always the problem. People will say they understand what we are going through but in reality they have no clue what we face all the time.
I offer you my prayers and want you to know that God and prayers are where our hope lies all the time.
I hope you will find a good Alzheimer`s support group. There you will find real people who know exactly what you go through all the time. People you can talk to and cry with. Its okay to cry; we need this many times.
I am here for you if you want to email me or call me. Email me first and we will talk about talking on the phone. If you are interested in my offer to listen to you or pray with you please contact me.
There are support groups near you. Please take yourself to one. You will be amazed how the group will help you.
Until next time,
Mary
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